Freedom: The Gift of Forgiveness

[1] “Forgive me, Father! I cannot forgive those who wronged me.” Sometimes I hear, “I cannot forgive myself for what I have done.” These are the usual words in the confession or my interactions with people. They ask me, What should I do, Father?

[2] Forgiveness in Italian is “perdono”. Within the term is the word “dono,” which means “gift”. Forgiveness is a gift to the forgiven person and, above all, the one who forgives. He who fails to forgive becomes a prisoner of anger and resentment. Despite many resolutions to forgive, anger continues in one’s heart. Forgiveness is fundamentally a divine event, not purely human. It is beyond human logic, as the saying goes, “to err is human, to forgive is divine”. Man needs God’s grace to be able to forgive.

[3] A prisoner of unforgiveness should tell God what happened and why he is angry or resentful. At the end of the story, he asks for the gift of forgiveness. “Lord, I am a prisoner of my anger. Please! Free me, grant me the gift of forgiveness! It will take time to be able to forgive because anger hardens a man’s heart. However, there is an assurance that the gift of forgiveness will be given, as the Gospel according to Matthew says: “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and the one who knocks it will be opened.” (Mt. &:7-8)

[4] When does forgiveness begin? It begins when the concerned person asks God for the gift of forgiveness. It may take a month, a year, or maybe towards the end of one’s life. Then one day you will remember that person, what he/she did to you, but there is no more pain or anger. The heart is healed from the wounds and liberated from anger and resentment.

[5] Forgive and Forget. It is the head that forgives and the heart forgets. Never believe that one forgets what happened. The more intense the offense, the more we remember it. The grace of forgiveness heals the memory, but it does not delete it. The difficulty of true forgiveness arises when a person forgives only from the head without the heart. Usually, a person forgives because the Gospel says: “But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” However, forgiveness is a dynamic between human weakness and divine preeminence. If only by man’s power would it be difficult to forgive, but with God’s grace, nothing is impossible.

[6] Self-forgiveness. Some people repeatedly confess their sins (e.g., abortion, betrayal, filial impiety), which they have already confessed many times. Why? Because they cannot forgive themselves, though God forgave them sacramentally in the Confession. It is like a thirsty man asking for a glass of water, and God gave him a liter of fresh water. But he does not open the bottle to satisfy his thirst. He keeps asking for a glass of water. It is not that God does not forgive, but rather the person does not want to. He believes that God does not forgive him/her. Such a person finds forgiving himself more difficult than forgiving others.

[7] The exemplar of forgiveness. Jesus Christ is the example of pure forgiveness. “And Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do’.” (Lk 23:34) He excuses his executioners before the Father. There is no hatred, just obedience to Father’s will. Same with the stoning of Stephen, “And falling to his knees, he cried out with a loud voice, ‘Lord, do not hold this sin against them’.” (Acts 7:60). He did not just excuse them but intercede for them. There is no hatred because he is full of the Holy Spirit (cf., Acts 7:55).

[8] The sacrament of Confession is not a washing machine that makes one feel good afterwards. It is a sacrament of Reconciliation with God and my neighbours. God’s sacramental forgiveness is a concrete sign of His love towards the sinner. However, God’s forgiveness is also a categorical imperative on the part of the penitent, he has to forgive as he is forgiven, “and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors” (Mt 6:12).

[9] When a penitent leaves the confessional, it does not end there, but only the beginning of the other side of forgiveness. The forgiveness one received in the confession must be shared with those who offended the person. It may take time, but it is a must.